I was noticing today how mindfully the grandchildren are being raised. I got a very good sense of the big picture. Parenting should go beyond managing the moment. It should prepare children for the future. Whether you are raising your own children or refurbishing your ravaged inner child, childhood lessons matter.
If you had a perfect childhood, you undoubtedly got a lot of useful information about how to live your life. Your childhood memories are a library of life lessons, but they are only memories. If your childhood wasn’t so perfect, you may have missed out on some important lessons. You can’t re-do childhood, but you can always get the lessons you missed, correct any misinformation, and create new memories to better guide you through life.
Building a person is like building a house. The integrity of the foundation determines the stability of the house. If a few blocks are missing from the foundation, you can still build, but over time the weakness will show itself in a sagging floor, a whistling window, a crack in the plaster, or a leaking roof. It isn’t necessary to tear down the whole house to correct the problem. All it takes is to fortify the foundation and fix the damage. Of course, if you do nothing, the house may fall down on its own.
I once asked a client if he learned everything he needed to learn from his parents. He said he didn’t have any idea what he was even supposed to have learned, so I made a list for him. It quickly became a part of my regular practice to use this list as a guide for clients who were flailing and for parents who were failing.
Here is the list:
Essential Childhood Lessons
Tolerate frustration Solve problems Make decisions
Read others Calm yourself Grieve losses
Comfort yourself Take risks Accept defeat
Set boundaries Ask for what you need Disagree
Identify and express feelings Accept compliments Accept criticism
Compromise Give support to others Seek support from others
Think for yourself Appreciate yourself Enjoy others
Be alone Appreciate beauty Say goodbye
Connect with others Practice and master tasks Settle Conflict
Learn from others Make amends Forgive
If you would like to share how you learned any of the lessons, or how you teach them to your children, please post a reply. (I’m pretty sure that any one of these items could provide grist for the blog mill).
Nicki