As my husband and I stared into a rectangular hole in the ground, our tour guide, Manar, explained that the space was formerly used to hide sacred artifacts so they wouldn’t be stolen. Because they had been there for such a long time, the space itself was believed to have retained some of the power of the contents, so when they were recovered, the hole became a wishing well. The only condition was that the wish could not be shared until it came true. I thought for a long time, and told my husband that I couldn’t think of anything to wish for because being here was my wish. I’m more than a tourist in Egypt, and Manar is more than a tour guide, though I doubt she knows it. Throughout the day she dropped tiny bits of wisdom that connected the past to the present, the near to the far, and me to myself. Gestalt.
Wishes don’t make themselves come true. Wishers do. I like to think of unfulfilled wishes as pending. Here are some thoughts.
- Wishes pending expiration are similar to clothes that have gone out of style but are still in your closet. It’s probably best to just let them go. Humans get sentimental about their investments, whether they are in time, money, hope, or love. I have had a lot of clients who stayed in bad relationships because of the years they had already invested, just wishing for a change.
- Wishes pending refinement require a look at the deeper outcome. If you wish to find a partner, for instance, you have expectations of what having a partner means. A person who is desperate to find a partner may be really wishing for a sense of security or self-worth. Those can be developed without a partner.
- Wishes pending a context are wishes that don’t have a place to come true. I once had a client who longed for a healthy relationship. He asked me to check out his profile for Match.com. The quality he listed as most desirable in a partner was honesty. His therapy session that day focused on why he himself had lied about his own age in the profile. Clearly, he did not have a healthy space within himself for a relationship.
- Wishes pending ownership are either wishes to please others or wishes for others to please you. If you wish to make a lot of money to keep your wife happy, you probably need a new wife. I met a parent recently who wished for her daughter to become a nurse. The daughter had a passion and a skill for music. The mother, the daughter, and the relationship between them was in jeopardy.
All of these pending wishes call back to me another of Manar’s droplets of wisdom. If you are sincere in your wishes, they will come true. If you truly wish for something, commit to it. Take ownership, take action, and make a space for your wish to come true.